What if we suspend judgement and are curious?

Originally publishd 25 September 2012

So, following my last post on diversity I’ve been reflecting on how this translates into my day to day life as a leader at work. How does it change how I am, who I am?

I confess that I can speak too much, listen too little, be bursting with ideas that can tumble out at a rate of knots. And sometimes when I encounter someone who doesn’t catch my enthusiasm, I start to fret. Don’t they understand me? Don’t they think I’m any good at what I’m doing? Who do they think they are?

I hear their explanations setting out their perspective as an attack on my own rather than really listening to what they are saying. It happened to me recently, and then I paused and looked at one of the reminders on the wall: ’Suspend judgement and be curious’. Hm.

So in this pause, where I noticed and caught my mind busy categorising I stopped. And asked them a question. ‘Tell me more about where you’re coming from?’ And then another ‘Why is that important to you?’.

And there in a flash I understood. We were on the same book just on different pages. I’d assumed that they were at the same place as me. From a few simple questions and from really listening to understand, I really understood. From seeing the other person as opinionated and not listening to me (no doubt how they saw me too!) I now saw them as someone treading the same path yet seeing different things. In all truth exploring some of the challenges along the way more deeply than I had. So we opened a space to share thoughts, create new ideas, for our different perspectives to become a source of strength not dissent.

I wonder what it would be like if we could always suspend judgement and be curious?